Note to self : more music please!!!!!!

Gerard

I am fighting the future.

It is my enemy and it will surrender to me on my terms.

But this is not correct. The future is my ally. The past is my enemy and not continue being my master.

This piece had been intended to have been something else entierly but as always the plan did not survive it’s first encounter with the enemy.

I had instead intended to write about how I have seen that I am doing nothing new. New in a general sense. The thing with the past is that you need never bring anything new to it other than time you can waste. It in turn seldom offers you anything new save the occasional “new understanding” on your past, condition or circumstances.

I do not wish to be trapped in my past.

I want to build a glass wall between me and my past. One that is not so trivial to climb over, if I ever choose to spend time there.

This post is not over. I have much
More to say on this and the subject of “newness”.

As difficult as it seems I must set myself a limit on the time I wil allow myself to do these tasks or they will consume even more time than they already have.

In truth the sorting out of this paperwork is not so difficult or so much work to perform. Instead the difficulty is within my mind and only there. Like starting projects at university that seemed so mountainous at first and then became a pleasure after the initial uncertainties and doubts passed, it is only the first push that will prove difficult. The rest, as they say, is easy.

I have what many, if not all of them do not, potential.

As cruel as it may seem for me to say this, they cannot do what I take for granted. They look, sound & act as the fulfilment of all my worst imaginings for myself. All I need do is convince myself of their future and I will have it.

I have see the worst of all possible futures and it is not the one I choose.

Music makes me imagine a better world where troubles are like clouds, easily blown away on the lightest of breezes.

Make room for music in your life dear reader. It will reward you.

Gerard

Within minutes of leaving my home, standing in the rain, waiting for a bus, I started whistling.

“Whistling” I hear you say “so what?”. Well, when I was 12 years old someone pointed out to me that I only whistle when I’m in a good mood! Anyway before I remembered that I found myself whistling a song I’ve known for years “I’m a rock in the rain” by Money Mark.

A minute into my new found musical interlude with my mood improving by the second a young boy probably no more than three years old cycled past soaking wet and grinning like an idiot fromt he simple pleasure of his cycling.

All of a sudden the irony of my singing “I’m a rock in the rain” hit me and together with the simply joy on the young boys face, I realised that being out doing thing, being active is such an restorative for me.

I think i needed to have that lesson taught to me again. This time I will try to learn its lesson and remember it.

Tomorrow I will restart my tasks that I started and struggled with today, only tomorrow and all the succeeding days I will make sure to do what I need to to keep my mood up and looking forward.

Gerard

Gerard

Gerard

Why is that important to me today?

Well on Friday night I went to a exhibition opening and some people I knew many years ago throught a mutual aquaintence were there. While they immediatly recognised me, they asked after our mutual aquaintance before evening even saying hello.

While this did mildly irritate me at the time it also reminded that the past is over and unless it has something positive to contribute to my present or future, it’s not worth worrying about or fretting over.

Last week I heard something that puts this into perspective:

A wise man learns from the past, lives in the present and plans for the future.

Gerard